back to december ,olt



in 2019, i met someone very randomly -

in our first interaction I made fun of her school,

& she later told me she felt i was intimidating,

but well, we met again, & again -

I don’t know what it was, that made it happen,

could be her nature, or her habits,

or that we had tons in common,

maybe it was circumstances, or -

that one tree branch that fell on my head,

& she burst into laughter, 13th September-

for me it was then, watching her laugh,

i should maybe ask her what it was for her.


it was a beautiful few months, food, & glory,

sunsets & sunrises, hills & lakes,

galleries & museums, movies & the sky -

but just as quickly we fell for each other,

the world decided ‘naah, you’ve had enough’

& sent this virus to lock us up in houses.


we really did care for each other,

i think we always will, but things got worse

the distance slowly poisoned,

& then slaughtered our relationship -

eventually when things opened up,

she got a little jealous, & I am a complete idiot,

that’s when december struck us with winters cold hands,

like ice, we cracked slowly,

until we simply just broke


regret filled my stomach, & pain filled the heart

well, the ice thawed & hope grew in me

in February, it even felt real for a while again

but it was too late, it’s always too late


i just hope i had done things differently,

because then if things ended anyway,

I’d know I gave it my best,


right now, i feel guilt & grief -

because i know i didn’t do my best,

I never gave it all,

& it’s something i can never change.


i wish to go back to december,

but that’s a fairy tale, because it’s over,

& it’ll never again be last december.